As a diehard Dallas fan, I have become accustomed to watching the Super Bowl with a combination of disappointment, feigned excitement and intense jealousy. Yet in the breaks between the on-field action, I can always take solace in the only sources of respite from mourning my poor Cowboys: the Super Bowl ads. From Doritos to every car model known to the modern world, brands battle for global supremacy and notoriety in an advertisement showdown. Therefore, in order to distract Seahawks fans from a very crushing loss in the closing seconds of the game, I have decided to rank 10 of these mini-masterpieces as my personal favorites. I have also chosen to exclude all movie trailers since many of them were posted online before the big game and do not require the same level of creativity as the other commercials.
P.S. Feel free to disagree with my list; I do not expect anyone to share my love for puppies or Breaking Bad. Let’s get it going!
10. Turbo Tax
I for one do not get very excited about the idea of taxes, let alone products that simplify this annual chore that will eventually plague my adult life. With the backdrop of the Revolutionary War, Turbo Tax played out a narrative that hilariously diffused the tension of the Revolutionary War with both sides reciting the words “well, all right then” before throwing down their weapons and leaving the battlefield. Most importantly, Turbo Tax accomplished something that I never thought possible: They made the idea of taxes mildly entertaining for an entire minute. That feat alone deserves a spot on my list.
9. Mountain Dew Kick Start
This was the first commercial to make me spit out some beer and struggle to regain my composure. Although I expected the large Mountain Dew cans to send some sort of electric current of sugary energy into the three gamers on the couch, I did not expect to witness a shaggy dog twerk like Miley Cyrus next to a gyrating end table. To me, this commercial had everything I could want in an ad: contagious music, memorable moments and a craving for unhealthy soft drinks. My only regret was the dancing deer. That image might haunt my dreams for nights to come.
8. Bud Light: Pacman #UpForWhatever
I don’t know about anyone else, but I have been getting sick and tired of the recent strain of Bud Light commercials. Not only do they seem heavily contrived and corny, but also rarely got me excited about beer or going out with friends. Then, as I settled into another “#UpForWhatever” snooze-fest, I saw a life-size Pac-Man board with ghost costumes and virtual pellets. Not going to lie, I pumped my fist as I watched this genuinely confused guy race around a maze with a bunch of ghosts hot on his heels. They even added a cherry! Brilliant touch. Not only was the entire set-up extremely clever and original, it gave me some ideas for future themed mixers. That’s foreshadowing, people: Get your Pac-Man attire ready.
7. The Perfect Getaway: Kia Serento
Pierce Brosnan? Check. Action-adventure? Check. Exploding cabin? Check. The film nut within me loved the tension between action movie tropes and the monotony of driving a car in reality. It was hilarious and expertly done, especially with the intensity of the background music and the narrator’s voice. I also thought the tagline, “The Perfect Getaway Vehicle,” was a clever touch, pitting a car chase sequence and a simple mountain getaway against one another in a single pun. OK, I geeked out for a second. Reeling myself in now.
6. T-Mobile featuring Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler
Other than Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, I regard Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler as the funniest women on the planet. Do you want proof? They made T-Mobile seem appealing in 30 seconds. Case closed. As each set piece got more and more ridiculous, the laughs from around the suite in which I watched the game became increasingly more uproarious. Silverman even found time to poke fun at men before Handler capped the entire ad off with a “rabbit” encounter. I won’t be stepping into any T-Mobile stores anytime soon, but I damn well will be YouTubing some Sarah Silverman comedy specials and “Chelsea Lately” highlights as soon as possible.
5. Clash of Clans featuring Liam Neeson
Caveat: I despise the “Taken” series. I get a lot of flack for this opinion, but I just cannot sit through that dull action series. It’s predictable, and the narratives make zero sense. Sue me. Anyhow, much like the Bud Light commercials, I have also become wearisome of the iOS sensation “Clash of Clans” and its overplayed commercials. Who would have thought that combining two of my least favorite things would provide me with so much joy? Liam Neeson’s — or is it “Lyam” Neeson — delivery of his “Taken-esque” monologue was absurdly intense and hysterically on point, especially since he curses a name like “bigbuffetboy85” in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. Bravo, Liam Neeson. I hate “Taken,” but I think I love you.
4. Camry: “How Great I Am”
Now, I present to you the first serious Super Bowl spot of my countdown. I have always been amazed with the strength and resilience of those with physical and mental disabilities, especially when those individuals go above and beyond anything I could accomplish as an able-bodied man. Against the infamous “How Great I Am” speech by Muhammad Ali, double-amputee Olympic snowboarder Amy Purdy falls and rises with a determination that cut into me like a knife. This spot was not only as bold as the crimson Camry that it aimed to promote, it was a beautiful testament to the strength of the human spirit. Excuse me while I do better in life.
3. Esurance: “Sorta Greg”
John Krasinski and I go way back. I’m an avid fan of “The Office,” so the sound of his voice narrating the new strain of Esurance commercials brings me back to Scranton, Pennsylvania without fail. Combine his silky voice with the bass of Bryan Cranston reprising his epic role as Walter White from “Breaking Bad,” and you have got my full attention. Watching that poor woman attempt to purchase her prescription from “Sorta Greg” — clad in a yellow hazmat suit and oxygen mask — was hysterical in its own right, especially for fans of the series. Also, does anyone else think that those “pills” were actually “Blue Magic” crystal meth? You have to respect the irony here folks.
2. Budweiser: “The Lost Puppy”
Beer and puppies: the magical formula for an epic Super Bowl spot. While sitting in a suite full of guys as arguments concerning the game escalated to catastrophic levels, the sight of that adorable retriever — let’s call him “Buddy” — brought us all together. We all looked around at each other, melting as Buddy embarked on his epic journey back home; we all shed a single manly tear as he sat in a cardboard box, seeking cover from the pouring rain; we all gasped and reeled back in horror as a wolf threatened to bring an end to Buddy’s triumph. Then, with the force of a thousand hits from Marshawn Lynch himself, a cavalry of horses came to the rescue, scaring off the big bad wolf and rescuing the only thing in the world that mattered for the past forty seconds. The room rose to its feet, cheering as if each of our respective teams just won a Super Bowl. Also, did anyone else see Buddy awkwardly slip from a bale of hay at the very end? Long live Buddy, the real MVP of the night.
1. NO MORE
In my mind, there is no question that NO MORE’s subtle yet powerful depiction of a 911 call from a victim of domestic violence stands as the most memorable commercial of the night. Many have come down hard on this piece, convinced that the NFL wants to simply throw money at this issue since several instances of spousal abuse have plagued the league in recent years. I, for one, don’t buy this stance; it represents a petty and insensitive way to look at what this commercial works to portray. Not only does the conversation between the dispatcher and the victim pull us into a world of danger and fear that many have not experienced firsthand, it also begs us to simply listen as lengthy shots of disarray hold our collective attention. Continuing to circumvent the reality of domestic violence by throwing barbs at the long-dead horse that is Goodell and his horrendous leadership only hinders our ability to pull together and spark a necessary change in the world of professional sports and general society. Kudos to NO MORE, and please visit their website for information about the movement and to give a donation.
That does it for my list! I hope I at least noted a few of everyone’s favorite commercials from Sunday night. Again, if I missed any of your favorite ads from this year’s Super Bowl — or if you feel like I completely disregarded Katy Perry and her dancing sharks — feel free to drop me an email or confront me in Valentine Hall. Although I prefer the former, I will not shy away from the latter.
Honorable Mentions: Always: “Like a Girl,” Wix.com: “#ItsThatEasy,” Fiat: “Viagra,” Dodge: “Wisdom,” and “Jurassic World” because of dinosaurs.
