Liberalism died in 2016, in his fourth century. He was ill for quite some time, and after a series of tumultuous brushes with death over the last hundred years, he passed not quietly but spectacularly by climbing a tree and sawing off the very branch he was sitting on. Many have refused to accept his death, and his body is currently propped up on bumper stickers and mainstream news networks with sunglasses in some weird Weekend-At-Bernie’s-esque charade, preventing his proper entombment.