I know that Lord Jeff, our quondam mascot, has hardly been buried, right next to The Moose, his would-be successor. So I hope it won’t appear too ugly to be rushing in with a modest proposal for a modest mascot. If not, I’d like to present to you for your earnest consideration, ladies and gentlemen, the Hamster. Now before you cast wild regretful eyes upon Lord Jeff with sighs of “What a falling off was there!” let us take a moment to consider the Hamster. It has a lot going for it.

— Hamsters are mammals. This is good. Most Amherst students and alumni are too.