Writer’s Note: The following piece is intended as satire. Please don’t take this out of context and write the newspaper angry letters.

In the wake of the recent snowstorm and power outages, people around campus are starting to ask questions about the school’s management of the crisis. We were without power for almost a full 24 hours. Classes were cancelled at Amherst, Mount Holyoke and Smith. Hampshire College blew up. Townies took over Val, invoking “Squatter’s Rights.”